April Fools: Separated at Birth, DeSales Unites Long-Lost Twins

By Pabby Garisi
Staff Writer

“We first thought it was a mistake,” said Philip Marzen. In his mind, there was no way they could have made such a discovery in class. Michael Al-Khal, one of Marzen’s lab partners, thought there must have been a mix-up in the lab and insisted on retesting before anyone jumped to conclusions.

Normally, students from Molecular Cell Biology II (Mole Cell) only do DNA testing on yeast, but one lab group decided to try something new.

Abigail Wagner and Maria Jordan are shown above, clearly displaying the long-lost twins’ uncanny resemblance. Photo by Pabby Garisi.
Abigail Wagner and Maria Jordan are shown above, clearly displaying the long-lost twins’ uncanny resemblance. Photo by Pabby Garisi.

Marzen, Al-Khal, and their partners Avery Scripture and Tanner Blatt performed DNA tests from a random sample group of volunteer students.

The lab group did cheek swabs to study the ethnicity and family origins of different students, but the results were unlike anything that they could have predicted.

After a second DNA testing, Marzen confirmed that their findings were true. Juniors Abigail Wagner and Maria Jordan were biologically identical, making them long-lost twins.

During the first DNA testing, the girls had been joking about how other students get them confused all the time and asked if they were twins. Marzen said, “When the results came back again, we knew that what was once a joke was now a reality.”

Baffled by the news, Wagner and Jordan denied the findings at first. Scripture and Blatt had to sit them down and walk them through the charts step by step to prove that the science wasn’t lying.

Wagner said, “So many questions began to run through my head, and I had a rush of emotions.” She immediately tried to call her parents and get to the bottom of everything.

Currently, neither set of parents are willing to make a comment and are denying the school rights to perform any further DNA testing on the girls or their families.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA“I remember being so confused by the whole situation,” said Jordan. “My whole world was turned upside down in one day.”

It’s been about a week since Wagner and Jordan received the shocking news, and they are beginning to adjust fairly well. Jokes are beginning to come out about past incidences of getting them confused.

Maggie Zaleski, a mutual friend of the girls, admitted that there were times where she would open Snapchats and had to double check to see whose picture she just saw. Another friend, Brooke Terplan, said, “You could forget about telling them apart if we ever went out and they dressed similarly.”

Other friends like Justin Wilson and Tommy Friedman were relieved to find out that they were in fact twins, because they no longer felt so guilty for getting them mixed up all the time.

“It all makes sense now,” said Friedman.

Wagner and Jordan are still shaken up about finding out that they are twins, but they have learned to embrace the truth and have only grown closer since the accidental DNA discovery in Hurd.

Did we fool you? If you are still unaware, this article is purely fictional and was written to for our annual April Fools issue. Post a status or tweet @TheMinstrelDSU and tell us which April Fools article is your favorite!

This purely fictional article was originally published in Issue 12, Fiftieth Year of The Minstrel (April 1, 2016). Click here to view the entire April Fools issue.

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